Tim Shurr | OBA Method

Turning your pain into passion and purpose

Every hero movie, whether from the Bible, Disney, Marvel, etc., begins with an individual experiencing a traumatic event that sets them on a journey they never planned or even wanted. This individual is full of self-doubt, unworthiness, anger, or resistance and struggles with inner demons and adversity at every turn. After much struggle and a sense that there is no hope for a happy or peaceful future, a teacher or mentor appears to help the reluctant hero believe in themself, shed their self-pity/anger, and shift from being self-centered to others-focused. That perspective shift unleashes a hidden power inside the individual, allowing them to rise and become the hero they were born to be. Life is still challenging for the hero, but their internal story of how they will embrace each day fundamentally improves. One of my favorite hero stories is of King Arthur and his knights of the round table. Although powerful, Arthur made those around him feel equal, loved, and valued, which in turn, caused them to love and be fiercely loyal to him. Arthur was brave even when scared and cared more about the people in his charge than making it about being in charge. Above all else, he had a vision for what life could be like and worked daily with others to make that ideal a reality. I think differently about that classic tale now that I’m in my fifties than I did as a kid. Although Hollywood movies often exit the story with a happy

Are you a dysfunctional communicator?

In every conversation, you either strengthen or weaken the relationship with that person or team. According to a legendary family therapist, Virginia Satir, people develop five primary forms of communication in youth, four of which are dysfunctional! Here are the four types of dysfunctional communication styles. Placater – “As long as you’re okay, it’s all that matters.” Placaters hate conflict and tend to appease others rather than being honest and direct with how they feel or what they want. They unconsciously hope that if they behave the way others want them to, those people will give them the love or validation they seek. Yet, this rarely happens, which then causes a placater to behave in a passive-aggressive manner. “Sure, I’ll do more of your work for you…and then I’m going to turn it all in late!” As a result, they often feel sorry for themselves without realizing they are part of the problem. The unconscious motto of a pacifier is, “No matter what I do, it’s never good enough. Poor me.” Blamer – “It’s all your fault! It’s you, not me.” Blamers must always feel intelligent, competent, in charge, or not at fault, so they rarely own their mistakes or take accountability for poor outcomes. It’s always someone else’s fault, and they are easily angered. The unconscious motto of a blamer is, “I am surrounded by idiots and therefore have to do everything myself to get the job done right.” Distractor – “I’m too busy to deal with that.” Distractors consistently have too many irons in the

How top business leaders attain goals

It was 9am on a foggy Monday morning when I walked into the conference room to observe a meeting with the leadership team. The company brought me in because there were numerous employee complaints about how they were treated poorly by their supervisors, which was negatively impacting employee productivity, engagement, and retention. They hired me to “fix” whatever was causing their issue with high turnover and low employee satisfaction survey scores. I quietly walked in, grabbed a chair in the corner, and observed the ten people sitting around a table in the center of the room. There was a lot of chatter and side conversations, and I wasn’t sure if the meeting had officially started. From what I could gather, a large customer job had gotten messed up, which cost the company five figures. Two department supervisors were arguing with each other about who was to blame. On multiple occasions, one person would be speaking, and then someone else would cut them off mid-sentence and either talk over them, or they would both be talking (and neither were listening). Feeling my heart rate accelerate, I peered around the table to see how others were reacting. A few participants sank in their chairs and stared at the table, probably biding their time until this nightmare meeting had concluded. Others seemed checked out as they scrolled on their phone underneath the table. After what felt like an eternity, the company President stood up like General Patton, and the room went uncomfortably silent.

Self deceived?

“I’d rather have my baby in the street than go into that death hospital!” Expectant mother The year was 1847, and the death rate of mothers delivering their new babies had risen to 18% at a hospital in Vienne, Austria. Obstetrician, Dr. Sememelweis, researched day and night for the cause of this extreme post-mortality rate at his hospital. One day, he came across a paper written by a physician in another country proposing that “invisible bugs” were causing infection and death. The cure was using a combination of chloride and lime to terminate them. The paper also suggested that physicians unknowingly pass these bugs to their patients. Dr. Semmelweis was displeased with the suggestion that doctors might be unconsciously at fault, yet he pushed his ego aside to save his patients. He concocted the chloride of lime solution and proceeded to wash his hands before delivering babies, for this was not a standard procedure at the time. Almost immediately, the post-mortality rate for his patients dropped from 18% to 2%. Then he ordered all of his medical instruments to be washed in the chloride of lime solution before each procedure, and the mortality rate dropped to 1%. Dr. Semmelweis was both delighted and saddened. He was grateful for discovering the breakthrough solution yet horrified by the idea that such heartbreak was due to the doctor’s actions since their mission was to save lives. So he shared the news and enrolled all the doctors in adopting this new practice, they saved

7 reasons entrepreneurs resist change

“Hypnosis. Really? That sounds like a bunch of BS to me. There’s nothing wrong. Besides, I’ve talked to head shrinks before, and all they want to do is talk about bad memories from the past. It doesn’t make anything better. Instead, I have to relive the past again, and that’s the opposite of what I want. I’ll figure it out on my own.” It’s common to think that our situation won’t improve or that things might get worse if we talk to someone about it. Resistance shows up each time you are about to do something that’s out of the norm, like talking to new people, visiting a foreign place, or beginning a program that modifies your routine. Resistance – the refusal to accept or comply with something. We resist change for various reasons, including: You want to be right or fear looking wrong if you accept new information. Fear that your situation could somehow get worse than it is. It will involve physical or emotional pain during the transition. You’ll lose control. Lack of understanding as to why the change is necessary. Believing you are already right in your assessment of the situation or that it won’t improve even if you tried (fear of failure). Poorly structured reward system (pain associated with changing and insufficient pleasure connected to new behavior or outcome.) Before developing my One Belief Away™ Method, I tried convincing people to change in various ways, including using logic and reasoning skills (cognitive behavioral therapy/rational

Join the 8%

To attain a goal, one must demonstrate courage. Courage is the emotion used to charge forward even when acquiring the desired outcome is not guaranteed. What stops people from being courageous is often not fear but conformity. Conformity is when the actions of your peer group influence how you show up in life. In simple terms, conformity causes you to act like everyone else, which is terrible news because, according to research done by Scranton University, only 8% of people achieve their goals. That means 92% of your peers fail to accomplish what they set out to do. If you are stuck, stressed, or unhappy, you’ve fallen into the same routine and rut as your friends, colleagues, and neighbors. The 8% who are happier, healthier, and wealthier think differently and develop different habits than the rest. Here are three ways to avoid conformity and join the 8% who enjoy a more fulfilling, purpose-filled life. Upgrade childhood beliefs. People don’t realize the opinions you formed or adopted by the time you were eight years old influence most of the decisions you make as an adult. Those childish paradigms are responsible for much of the stress, misery, and failure we experience. Those in the 8% select and reinforce empowering beliefs that make them feel worthy and more than enough to attain whatever goal they desire. Hang around other 8%ers. Conformity has a subconscious influence, meaning you’ll begin acting like the people you spend time with, whether or not you want to.

Why aren’t you upset?

“You’re in a new state where you don’t know anyone. It’s twice as expensive with gas still over $6 a gallon. You are under the threat of fires, earthquakes, monkeypox, and drought. There is no guarantee that you’ll find new speaking opportunities or celebrity clients. Doesn’t that upset you?” Client “Sure, but are you focusing on what could go wrong? Or on the desired outcomes and opportunities? This is an important question because you move towards what you think about most.” Tim That was part of a coaching conversation I had with a client the other day. She was in the grips of anxiety as too many areas of her life were filled with uncertainty. Plus, she grew up with parents constantly fighting about money and “not having enough” (to make it.) So she couldn’t understand how I could make so many bold moves with the same amount of uncertainty she was struggling with and still maintain a confident and optimistic attitude. We all wrestle with doubt, worry, and concern for the well-being of our loved ones and ourselves. Yet, after decades of studying human behavior, I’ve found this truth evident. You feel what you think and what you feel becomes your (subjective) reality. Do I worry and get swept up in fear occasionally? Of course, it doesn’t last because I don’t let it. You should only focus on worst-case scenarios if it’s a training exercise for how to handle them if they arise. Otherwise, you’re mentally torturing yourself; the

The Entrepreneur Way

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood, And sorry I could not travel both And be one traveler, long I stood And looked down one as far as I could To where it bent in the undergrowth; Then took the other, as just as fair, And having perhaps the better claim, Because it was grassy and wanted wear; Though as for that the passing there Had worn them really about the same, And both that morning equally lay In leaves no step had trodden black. Oh, I kept the first for another day! Yet knowing how way leads on to way, I doubted if I should ever come back. I shall be telling this with a sigh Somewhere ages and ages hence: Two roads diverged in a wood, and I— I took the one less traveled by, And that has made all the difference. – Robert Frost Your biggest breakthroughs await you, but not on the path that’s often taken. Your biggest breakthroughs are hiding in the places you don’t want to go. You must challenge your resistance (fears) and adopt the slogan, “Where I resist, I persist!” Challenge yourself to be curious and brave for only through taking the road less traveled shall you become the person you were born to be. 🙂 Tim Shurr

Do what you hate!

A popular notion surfaced over the last decade that you shouldn’t do anything you don’t want to do. Perhaps that’s why we now have an employee shortage across the country. Of course, encouraging the idea of avoiding challenging tasks is ridiculous. How can you accomplish difficult, worthwhile goals without showing up, even when you don’t want to? I was watching a video from Robert Kiyosaki, author of the book Rich Dad, Poor Dad. In it, Robert confessed that he hated writing books, but he wrote them anyway because it made him money. He hated paying taxes, but he filed them anyway to avoid prison. He didn’t like to exercise but did it anyway because he didn’t want to weigh three hundred pounds. I spend a lot of time engaging in activities I don’t enjoy because they need doing. When the washer, salt softener, or refrigerator filter needs fixing, I do it even though it’s not an effective use of my time. When bills are due, books need mailing, or I have to learn another software program to run my business effectively, I do it because it’s necessary. Successful people act successfully and demonstrate commitment without someone holding them accountable. Commitment means showing up and doing what you say, especially when you don’t feel like doing so. I could be in the living room watching Breaking Bad with my family for the second time, but instead, I am writing you this message because I’ve committed myself to your success. Instead of

3 Steps For Dealing With Rude Parents

(To watch the One Final Mission webinar replays, click here.) “That haircut looks stupid and if nobody else is going to tell you, I will.” “You can’t let your kids get away with that behavior. You need to know how to discipline them.” “You keep eating like that and your weight is going to get more out of control than it already is.” Since I received quite a response from my last email on the destruction of sarcasm, let’s continue that conversation. The Baby Boomer generation is often referred to (by Baby Boomers) as the “greatest generation” because they won World War II and put a man on the moon. Yet, they also had parents who were survivors of the great depression, and life was tough for most families. As a result, many unconscious self-limiting beliefs passed through the family timeline, one being that “someone’s got to tell it like it is (so you don’t get hurt).” Even though the intention behind the comments may originate from a positive place, most experience them as harsh, abrupt, and even abusive. I’ve noticed a pattern when helping clients deal with parents who are repeatedly offending them. Adult children of rude parents point at themselves and say, “What’s wrong with me? Why do I keep attracting selfish people into my life?” Instead, imagine pointing that figure towards the person offending you. Then ask, “What did they experience as a child that causes them to show up in this way?” Or, “What’s the best

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