When you ask what people most want in life, the typical answer is to be happy.
Thus, it seems logical to clarify and reinforce the thoughts, behaviors, and activities that generate this emotion we call happiness.
Knowing which thoughts produce a sense of contentment, joy, or pleasure for you specifically is the first step towards living an intentionally happier life.
The challenge for most is not knowing what would make us feel better. People have general ideas like having more money, losing weight, or wishing our partner would be more supportive or think the way we do about various topics.
Yet, you can have more money, be in better shape, and have a “Yes, dear” spouse, and still not be happy!
I’ve been researching the idea of happiness for a long time and what we think would make us happier usually isn’t the condition that will.
What items do seem to produce the most sustainable amount of happiness for people? From my experience, the following are three items that boost happiness immediately.
- Upgrade self-limiting unconscious beliefs. How we think is heavily influenced by the viewpoints we developed about ourselves, others, and the world around us as children. Those opinions become a lens for how we filter everything that happens in the world. Some see everything as a fight where others are continually feeling victimized. Your unconscious beliefs will cause you to hide from conflict or withhold speaking your truth or feel like your voice is constantly being silenced by others, even when it isn’t. Attempting to have a more encouraging, supportive, or empowering mindset when self-limiting or “negative” beliefs occupy your unconscious mind because of unresolved past experiences is futile. To cultivate a happiness mindset, begin by writing down why you aren’t feeling the way you want to and then identify the belief that’s holding you back. For example, “I’m not happy because my spouse is always complaining.”
The underlying premise is that you cannot feel the way you want because of another person’s behavior. That idea is false because you always have the final sayso over how you think and feel. Thus, others are not at fault for what thoughts or story you choose to focus on or tell yourself. In that example, you could say…”My spouse isn’t always complaining, so I’m going to stop exaggerating.”
“When they complain, it’s because they are hurting, so I’m going to focus on how to help them feel more supported.”
“They might also just be venting, so I can be there for them without feeling the need to change or prove another viewpoint.”
“Maybe they need a good listener. I can be that for them.”Even if they do complain a lot, that’s their stuff, not yours. You can recognize where they are at, be there for a while, and when you’ve reached your limit of listening, where you won’t be able to remain neutral or compassionate, politely wrap up the conversation by saying, “Thank you for sharing your thoughts with me. Is it okay if we pick this up again tonight because I want to continue to be a good listener for you, and I need a break?”
If they are not considerate of your feelings, you must set the boundary anyway, even if they get angry. Instead of focusing on why you can’t be happy, get clear on what you need and then set and reinforce boundaries that produce your desired outcome.
- Create a passion, purpose, or project to invest in your time and energy. When you are working towards a goal, it gives you something to move towards, and the obstacles that inherently show up increase emotional intelligence as you find ways to solve them.Suppose you do not have a destination that you can actively work on arriving at each day. In that case, you’ll find yourself sitting around dwelling on all the hurts, injustices, and missed opportunities of the past. Stewing about the past robs you of the joy you could create in the present. Decide today to map out a 30-Day Happiness Plan that may include daily walking, organizing the back closet, and mapping out a vacation six months from now.
- Create or re-connect with friends. People have physically distancing and remaining house-bound for way too long, and it’s having a horrendous toll on our mental wellbeing. Now that the weather is improving in the midwest and East coast and vaccines are finally available, we need to reach out to friends, family members, old acquaintances, and groups, clubs, organizations, or church groups to begin new friendships.You cannot grow, feel supported, or have a variety of experiences that are good for the soul if you are sitting inside your house all the time. We must take the pandemic seriously by wearing masks around strangers and washing our hands (which has always been intelligent). Yet, it’s time to get back out into the world if you haven’t been.
Happiness isn’t something that happens to you. Instead, it’s a state of mind that you tune into like your favorite radio station. If you want to feel happy, think happy thoughts and engage in activities that produce more joyful feelings. Create a sense of purpose, reach other to strangers who will eventually become valued friends, and start making excuses to follow through on these tips today. In the words of Forrest Gump, “Happiness is what happiness does.”
Watch my live Happiness tips on Indy Style (WISH TV)
If you need help upgrading limiting unconscious beliefs, read either of these books:
One Belief Away! Get Out Of Your Way!