The idea that your life should be different or better than it currently is can either inspire you into action or destroy any chance of fulfillment and inner peace. If you do not like how your life is, use it as inspiration (believing you can improve) to provoke yourself into taking action to enhance it.
We’ve all been through frustrating and painful situations that can leave us with unresolved feelings of hurt, guilt, shame, and anger. But asking, “Why did this happen to me?” only leads to more toxicity. Instead, the question is, “What am I going to productively do with the insights, memories, and emotions that are left over?”
You are not your experiences. You are the experiencer of those situations, just like you are not your thoughts, but the thinker of those thoughts. Regardless of what you’ve been through, you have the ability to give those experiences whatever meaning you chose. Personal power is the ability to shift how you feel and behave by interpreting past and present circumstances in a way that empowers you.
Suppose we do not take pain or regret and channel or redirect it into something that gives you passion or purpose. In that case, your mind will take the most painful moments of past experiences and replay them in your imagination until it crushes you. Depression occurs when one believes there is no hope of improvement, anger erupts when we feel out of control, and resentment arises when we feel victimized without remorse.
On the other hand, hope shines when realizing there is a path to what we most desire. Resiliency comes from knowing you always have options if you seek them out, and contentment swells when understanding that you can feel peace even when outside circumstances are not as you’d like them to be.
If you are open to removing the chip from your shoulder (aka-shifting from victim to victor), you’ve already completed the first step! Here’s a 3-Step formula for releasing regret.
- Decide you are ready to do this. Otherwise, you will continue to argue for why you feel the way you do. Remember, you get to keep all the emotions you defend, so make sure you want to continue feeling the way you do before listing all the reasons (once again) for why you have no other choice but to suffer the way you do.
- Go through The Releasing Experience in my book, One Belief Away. (www.survivingtothriving.me/newbook) I’ve helped thousands of people get UNstuck by gently releasing anger and other toxic emotions that erode one’s health, prosperity, and peace of mind. The Releasing method is the fastest way to release deep-seated emotions. Only after going through that experience does positive thinking, talk therapy, or journaling seem to work.
- Clarify what outcome you want and what you’re willing to do to have it. Often when people are unhappy, they spend more time fantasizing about being with a different partner, living in another state, or having a better boss. Rarely do people challenge themselves to improve their current relationship, home, or job. We are too busy blaming others for not measuring up to our standards instead of thinking, “How could I be a better partner or employee?” The problem with trying to run away from unhappy circumstances is that whether you get remarried, move, or get a new job, you take your mind (and the problem-creating mindset) with you.Our self-limiting beliefs, bad habits, blind spots, and resentful feelings end up tagging along. It is easier to see other’s faults and fixate on them, rather than thinking about how we might be adding to the problematic situation. Yet, that is ultimately your way out of the frustration and resentment. When you get clear on what you’d like and what YOU are willing to do to cause this outcome, it puts the power and control back inyour hands.
For example, let’s say your spouse leaves their dirty dishes on the kitchen table rather than putting them in the sink right after dinner. You may ask nicely, but it still happens night after night. What comes next? It’s up to you. You could:
a. Get angry and start yelling.
b. Make passive-aggressive comments that turn into arguments.
c. Fantasize about marrying someone who cleans up after themselves.
d. Assume it’s a personal attack.
e. Despise them for being a slob.
f. Be patient because they eventually get the dishes cleared away.
g. Ask them why they don’t put the dishes away (be genuinely curious).
h. Ask them what you do that’s annoying to them and make a new agreement that if they clean up their dishes, you will change the behavior that upsets them.
i. Decide to clean up the dishes yourself because you love your spouse and consider it a way of demonstrating love and helping them out.
It takes 10 seconds to put your spouse’s dishes in the sink. How much time do you think someone might invest in being ticked off about clearing the table? (Hours, Days, Years?) One of my first Psychology mentors, Dr. John Harris, once said if I didn’t like something, handle it instead of complaining that others aren’t. “After all, you’re the one that has the issue with it.”
If you’d like me to help you release toxic emotions that hold you back, consider enrolling in my new program, The Awakening – How To Reclaim Your Power!