Lesson One: If you’re going to make an assumption, assume the best in yourself and others.
The other night, I spoke with a dear friend who told me a story that I’d like to share with you now. My friend, let’s call him Dave for confidentiality sake, said the following.
“I’ve been battling an illness for quite some time, and an old friend that I hadn’t spoken to in a while called me on the phone, sharing all the difficulties he had recently experienced. I patiently listened and encouraged him that things would be okay. Then he thanked me for the time and hung up the phone.
Suddenly a rush of anger washed over me because this guy knew I had been sick and didn’t ask me one time if I was feeling any better. So I reached out to a mutual colleague who knew both of us and voiced my complaint. This person listened to my story and then said, “Dave, did you know our friend has the beginning stages of dementia? I bet he didn’t even remember you had been ill. He’s been forgetting a lot of details lately.”
Dave told me he felt terrible after assuming his friend didn’t care about him when that wasn’t the case. He said, “Tim, it seems that just about every time I make a negative assumption about someone or something it turns out to be false. Thus, instead of making negative assumptions, I’m going to either find out by directly asking for clarification or assume there is a good reason for their behavior.”
I thought that was great advice because I’ve been teaching leadership teams and employees at various companies for years to “assume the best in yourself and others.” Instead of getting angry, upset, or frustrated when someone doesn’t show up or behave in the way you believe they ought to, assume they had a good reason for acting the way they did.
Doing so makes you feel better. It also strengthens the relationship with that person because you’ll show up curious, supportive, or understanding when connecting with others, which they will appreciate. When people assume the worst, even if they are correct in their speculation, they come across as frustrated, disappointed, or demanding to the other person, which creates emotional turmoil and often keeps that person from being more accountable in the future.
If you were trying your best to get a project completed and someone involved in the process continued to treat you as though you were trying to slow things down on purpose, how motivated would you be to put their mind at ease or help them succeed? Not very much, right?
How, instead, would you feel about your co-worker if you were trying hard but struggling and s/he offered support and encouragement, confirming that you are doing your best, and you’ll get it figured out? You’d probably be quite appreciative and want to help them succeed as well.
When you assume the best in your spouse, kids, neighbors, friends, leaders, co-workers, employees, and even President, you’ll add to the strength of your family, organization, and country rather than being a source of frustration.
Lesson Two: If you want a better result or outcome, take new action to bring it about.
The only way to produce a new event is to take consistent action until you attain it. If you stop trying because it’s difficult or the approach isn’t working, you’ll never experience what is possible for you.
It’s like having a handful of flower seeds sitting in your pocket. They cannot grow into the beautiful flowers they were meant to become unless you take them out of your pocket and plant them in the earth. If you are afraid to plant those seeds because they may not grow, you’re only guaranteeing that outcome.
There are many goals I have not reached yet, so I keep pressing forward. I’ve created programs that nobody bought and offered classes that people didn’t sign up for, but I continue making programs and promoting courses anyway.
I’ve hired employees that promised the moon but then never delivered. Yet, I continue hiring people anyway because, over the years, I’ve found talented people. I’ve also hired coaches and joined forces with other entrepreneurs, but many of those relationships did not produce the expected results.
Should I give up?
No way!
I will keep trying because with every attempt, I become wiser and more aware of what improves my results and what does not. Thus, there hasn’t been any failure, only feedback that I’m using to increase my chances of success the next time around.
One of the observations made after 26 years of trial and error, success and feedback, is that when you put energy out into the world and plant those prosperity seeds, you get a positive return, but not always in the way you expect it. For example, if I cold call a bunch of companies trying to secure a keynote or consulting opportunity, often the business opportunities that arise do not come from the organizations I’ve called.
It seemed very strange at first, but it has happened consistently over the years. I’ll call fifteen companies looking for a way to make a connection and often get nowhere. But within a couple of weeks, somebody from a company I didn’t contact will reach out to me seemingly “out of the blue” requesting my services. You might think that’s because of all the promoting, social media, and speaking I’ve done, and that does play a role.
Yet, those contacts don’t ever seem to show up unless I’m actively reaching out to secure business. In other words, if I sit around watching Netflix for a few weeks, my phone does not ring. But the minute I invest in coaching or start making calls, the universe sends me business.
If you want a new or improved outcome or solution to a problem, get out of your comfort zone and try something new. With risk, there is also reward, and your most significant opportunities often hide in the places you don’t want to go.
So be brave, assume the best in yourself and others, and start taking new risks and actions so that life becomes more fulfilling, rewarding, and enjoyable now!