LIFE. WHAT IS IT ALL ABOUT?
When I was a kid, life was about having fun and figuring out how to avoid going to bed.
When I was a teen, it was about fitting in and trying to be accepted.
When I was in my twenties, it was about figuring out what to do with my life.
When I was in my thirties, it was about making money and collecting stuff.
When I was in my forties, it was about family, building wealth, and gaining respect.
I’m 45 years old now. Half way there, if I make it to 90. I woke up with two thoughts. “What will the rest of my forties be about?” and “Do I have a say in the matter?”
Lao Tzu once wrote in the Tao Te Ching that we go through stages in life. For men, in the “morning” of our lives it’s about making money and earning respect. Yet, in the “afternoon” of life, the priorities for men shift to spirituality and family. It’s a completely different set of values that perhaps come from having greater perspective and wisdom regarding what really matters in life.
For women it’s different. In the “morning” of life, it’s about family, connection, and fitting in. Being a good daughter, wife and/or mother. Yet, in the “afternoon” of life, it shifts to personal growth and self-improvement. This, to, is a complete paradigm shift. Women have traditionally been taught to be others-focused, which inherently causes many to lose their sense of self.
These are generalizations and values have slightly shifted in the 21st century. Yet, there is a lot of truth to these writings some 2500 years later! Each day, I witness men trading happiness for financial gain and women trading in self-respect for approval and belonging. It’s like we are wind up toys. Each day, we get cranked up, walk around in the same circle, and then run out of juice at the end.
This brings me back to my second question. “Do I have a say in the matter?” I believe the answer is YES. We both do. The following strategy is helping me find happiness and peace in each moment. I don’t want to discover on my death bed that I should have spent more time enjoying life and less time worrying about money, bills, and being “accepted.”
3 Step Happiness Strategy
1. Ask yourself, “What do I want to feel in this moment?” William James, the founder of modern psychology, once said, “The greatest discovery of the 20th century is that the quality of your life is directly determined by the quality of your thinking.” Thinking is a process of asking yourself questions and making judgements about everything. Thus, the quality of your life is directly determined by the types of questions you silently ask yourself each moment of the day.
2. Be intentional. Avoid thinking that life is happening to you, and instead, you decide what emotions you’d like to experience in this moment. Then ask yourself an intentional question. “What would I need to believe, or do, in order to feel this way (in this situation)?” If, for example, you wanted to feel more joy or peace right now, what would you have to think or do to cause this to happen? Your first response might be, “I have no idea” or “That’s not going to happen.” These are fear-based thoughts that will keep you stuck. You must expand your vision of possibility. Imagine you are a powerful soul with unlimited resources and abilities. If that were true, what would be possible then? The answer…anything. (Inspired = In Spirit)
3. Stay mindful. Once you’ve decided what emotion(s) you’d like to feel in this moment, and you’ve gained insight as to what you’ll need to do to feel this way, ACT on it! Focus only on things that are within your control and keep asking yourself quality questions until you finally find the answers you’re seeking!
For example, you decide, “I want to go for a walk and feel excited about it.” Yet, the only way you would feel excited is if your spouse or friend went with you. Since you cannot control the actions of another, consider what you can control and continue asking yourself, “What could I do to bring more excitement into my walk?” Keep asking yourself this question until you’ve gained at least two or three ideas. “I could listen to music, go to the library and rent an audiobook, or recite positive affirmations while I walk. Oh, I could also walk in place while watching a funny movie or the Travel Channel. Or, I could take the dog for a walk or go for a stroll in that park I always drive by.” The possibilities are endless once you step into a state of possibility and leave behind the limited thinking of “practicality.”
Here’s a movie you could watch while walking in your living room. It was a film guest-staring the late Dr. Wayne Dyer. It’s an inspiring movie that highlights many of the themes in this article and you will greatly benefit from watching this. I’m not sure how long it will be available for free, so make a point to view this soon (perhaps tonight!) www.drwaynedyer.com/the-shift-movie-watch-now
In review, at any moment in time, including right now, you have the ability to decide what and how you wish to feel. It doesn’t matter where you’re at, who you’re with, or what’s happening around you. YOU ultimately have final say-so over how you are feeling! Start asking yourself, “How do I want to feel in this moment?” Get intentional about what you CAN do, and remain mindful of where you’re thoughts are leading you.
The rest of my forties are going to be spectacular! What will the next five years be like for you?
Thanks for reading!
Tim Shurr, MA